The Ice Queen
by lasphyxiatel
Summary: One shot. Jacob looking back on his relationship with Bella. Disregards Breaking Dawn.


She had always been beautiful to him. The rare combination of intelligence and innocence shining through the warmth of her eyes had always amazed him. The simple kindness she had always shown him moved him beyond the surface of her words. He had never experienced anything like it before; for him, her uniqueness was evidence of the existence of a higher power and a greater good. He wasn't like the others that surrounded her. He saw past the shy facade, the clumsy exterior and the plain clothing. Her soul shone with the kind of light that couldn't be bought in a designer clothing store or found in the cosmetic aisle of a pharmacy. He had known immediately that he would be good for her. They laughed and talked and matched--her pale skin and mahogany hair was a perfect compliment to his darker complexion. They looked good together, there was no doubt about it.

The passion he felt for her knew no bounds. When she smiled his heart was in constant overdrive. When she was sad he seethed with rage at whoever had caused her pain. When she was angry he enjoyed the coursing of blood through his veins matching the crimson in her cheeks. His emotion was at times, uncontrollable.

But she had never been his.

He had learned that the hard way, countless times.

By the time he realized his feelings, she had long belonged to another, someone he could never compare to and never would. He'd tried. Their friendship ran deep, and this depth created a bond that couldn't be broken, not even by _him_. But this bond would never overflow the cup of friendship.

Then she had been abandoned.

The bastard.

No, that had always been too mild a word.

She had cried and cried and cried. He had been there for her, sharing her pain, her loneliness and her bewildering loss of direction. Words couldn't properly express the ache that blossomed in his chest every time he saw her face when she thought he wasn't looking. A million lifetimes of heartbreak and hardship were etched into the soft skin of her face, the crease of her eyes and the lines on her forehead. Months of this, and he knew that it was futile. Her outward behaviour changed imperceptibly each time they met, and he was glad. But he knew that beneath the surface, a gaping hole as painful as a wound throbbed where her heart should be.

It was the first time that he realized she would never be his.

Alas, he had been too weak to stay away from her, too weak to deny her any request. He let himself stumble deeper and deeper down that path of no return.

And then, things had changed. _He_ changed.

The world as he knew it ceased to exist and what he had been blinded to for so long finally became clear.

This new world both pulled her closer in to him and pushed her miles away.

She had never been afraid of the extraordinary. Difference was embraced and mistakes were always forgiven. He should have known that then.

Then they came back.

The eternal storm clouds in her sky cleared to leave only brilliant sunshine and no need for his warm protection. He had felt used, betrayed and hurt. Despite his knowledge that something like this would happen, it didn't prevent him from always hoping. That glimmer of hope had never died--it was both the blessing and curse of love, he would soon learn. He could never have her but neither could he let her go, and he was resentful of her power over him.

But that was all years in the past.

He sat alone, remembering, smiling, hurting. Memories washed over him, some touching him like gossamer kisses, while others weighed heavily, striking him deep. The last memory was as painful as it was exquisite. Her lovely hair, dark and rich as chocolate, her delicate face and ivory skin were accented by a new light in her topaz eyes, a light that would never be extinguished. A light that made her all the more alluring and inaccessible to him.

For her skin was now ice cold and her teeth razor sharp.

They no longer matched.

She was not his.

She had clung to _his_ arm and waved slightly, a smile gracing her lips. She turned away from him forever and entered her new life as an achingly beautiful ice queen.

xx

A/N: The first. Please excuse any cliches, descriptional errors and awkwardness. I'm trying to work on making things more smooth, I promise! :)


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